How can I not love a girl

Things girls say to guys to get rid of them

Every girl has probably heard one or the other lousy rebuff in her life, which gave her heart a small crack and her ego a not-so-small crack. Cheating a girl is usually not difficult — and the majority of men do not make it their business to think carefully about what they are doing and ditch their playmates in the most pleasant way possible — insofar as such a thing can be pleasant at all.

It's a little different with girls. I always try to lead the guys out the door of my heart as gently as possible without them having to doubt their entire existence or have to completely renew their self-esteem. However, this brings with it the fact that one often has to come up with an admittedly flimsy pretext under which one can get rid of men as smoothly as possible and without great heartache.

Girls can be just as mean assholes as guys, but they usually show a little more creativity and imagination when they run down. I wrote down the most absurd rebukes I used to saw off guys I just couldn't stand — some were used across the board on different men. My karma has most likely suffered a lot, but I'm still not sorry.

"I just don't want a boyfriend right now."

As with young men, this sentence is the tried and tested classic of rebuffs for girls, even if it is mostly a bold lie. If you were to meet the perfect guy, you would of course get involved, even if you don't really like it at the moment and you have planned to be a single lady in the near future. I said this sentence once years ago to a guy who was madly in love with me and still is today - whenever I meet him, he whispers to me, "You smell so good." in my ear and I get a particularly creepy shiver. I was so sorry for him at the time that I couldn't tell him to his face that I just don't like him and, moreover, don't find him attractive because he's a head shorter than me.

"I like you as a friend."

It's pretty much the worst part of being pushed into the friend zone by someone you're in love with — and yet I've done it far too many times. If you like a guy a little but are not really in love with him, you should make this clear to him as soon as possible so that you are out of danger, but of course you still want to enjoy all the advantages of a rooster in love. So you tell him through the flower that you don't want anything from him and disguise the whole thing as friendship. Every now and then you give him advances and cuddle him in the absence of alternatives so that he stays on the hook. He picks you up, he keeps telling you how great you are and even fetches (and pays) you food when you are hungry. Yeah, it's bad to be hooked. Having someone on the hook, on the other hand, is less of a problem because you get the maximum ego push with minimal emotional effort.

"You, I think there is something better to come."

Belief in "something better" is probably the most honest rebuff one can give someone, and most of the time it is the reason behind any other excuse. It sounds really mean at first, because you don't want to hear from someone you like that there is "something better" than yourself. Basically, after the first hatred, you can't hold that against anyone, because at least one was openly Playing cards, and at some point there is bound to be someone for whom there is nothing better — at least that illusion is quite comforting when you've just been dumped.

"I'm not over my ex yet."

This rebuff can of course be plain and simple the truth. But if a guy comes too close to me who really doesn't even come close to interest me and I don't want to bother with him any further, it can happen that I invent a friend. Whether in the club, when someone digs at me and I introduce them to my best buddy as my friend, or whether I tell some that I've just come from a long-term relationship and I'm not ready to meet someone new - this rebuff always works .

"You are too boring for me."

There are people in their mid-twenties who behave as if they were actually two hundred years old and were born old. They don't want to do anything, just eat in front of the TV all day, and at some point they get lazy during sex. Even if a little routine returns to the love life after the first fall in love, I can't live with the thought that my boyfriend is an old sack inside, who only gets up from the crumbly couch to go to the toilet and all jokes off Scrubs can speak by heart. When he bought a blanket with sleeves, I knew what to do.

"I can't see you today, I still have to wash my hair."

If nothing really works with a guy and he resolutely refuses to take in all the meanness and hints of you, the really bad and obvious excuses are needed. I had already gone through all the variants with this copy - I told him to his face that it wouldn't work, I invented girls' evenings when I actually looked Germany's next top model in my Hello Kitty bathrobe alone on the couch and finally it seemed to me the only solution is to come up with the stupidest excuse in the world so that he finally gets it. I actually turned him down on the pretext that I still had to wash my hair today and therefore didn't have time. His answer: "Maybe tomorrow then?"

“My great-grandmother is doing so badly, it makes me so exhausted. I just can't. "

With this pretext, a friend of mine once put off a guy who just wouldn't let up, but with whom she definitely didn't want to meet. The thing with the great-grandmother itself may make sense, the only thing is that at this point in time, this great-grandmother was no longer among the living. Never in your life should you be forced to invent a relative, and even less so, to resurrect a great-grandmother. But sometimes, when someone just doesn't want to understand it, there is no other way. Great-grandma would have understood that for sure.

Most girls - with a few heartless exceptions - think very carefully about how to quietly wake a man out of his coma and maneuver him out of their lives so that he hates them as little as possible. In the end, it probably doesn't matter how you get dumped, whether directly or with an absurd excuse. Because every rebuff means that the other person doesn't like you as you would like. The only comforting thing is always the certainty that the compensatory break-up justice ensures that the next time you are not the dumped, drunk sausage writing love SMS, but the one who shoots the other in the wind and then none Second, not a thought and certainly not a tear wasted on him or her.

Verena on Twitter:@verenabgnr

Get the best of VICE emailed to you every week!

By subscribing to the VICE newsletter, you consent to receiving electronic communications from VICE, which may contain advertising or sponsored content.