Trust your instincts or your intuition

Trust Intuition - A Learning Process

by Lisa Böhm-de Philipp

In the discussion about the criteria that should be conveyed in further training for systemic constellations and that give them quality, the areas that can be clearly described and also those that can be scientifically analyzed and researched are in demand. It becomes more difficult with the areas that also resonate as essential components and to which something mysterious clings despite all efforts to clarify. These include the area or the term intuition, which is ambiguous in terms of content and is used blurred in linguistic usage or is completely deleted and circumscribed in a variety of ways.

As a personally affected person who has repeatedly been attested to having a high level of intuition and who has had admiring and a number of unpleasant and also derogatory experiences in relation to it, I have repeatedly asked myself why it is problematic to be intuitive, what is intuitively perceived or Describing decisive ones and taking intuition for granted. At the same time, the rebel still stirs in me today when I only begin to realize that intuition is not on an equal footing with other areas, such as the ability to think and communicate, or that it is appropriately recognized, even if scientific evidence is limited .

I was happy to read the comprehensive text on the subject of Markus Hänsel in the last edition of the practice of system constellation, which contains everything that I think is fundamentally worth knowing and brings up to date with the latest findings. This text completely satisfies my rational side, because it illuminates many sides, clarifies and thus conveys security.
The self-observation that intuition is a form of perception and information processing and that it steers decisions like an inner compass ultimately leads to an appreciative attitude. It is helpful that it can develop particularly well out of silence, that it shies away from analysis, control, questioning and verbalisation and wants to be protected from too much impressions and information. Another observation is that she picks up moods, dangers, an atmosphere in contact with the outside world and perceives people's body language, hears what is not said and reads between the lines. In the descriptions as inner voice, inner compass, gut feeling, inspiration, hunch, thought flash, as indefinable feeling, coherence, instinct it becomes recognizable that it is perceived on the physical, mental and emotional level. That it is connected with the past unconscious, with the immediately present and the anticipatory future is a further insight.
So if there are no words for the intangible, if intellectual explanations only give an approximation and an orientation, the scientific research reaches its limits, then what does it take to give it a worthy place? There is only one answer to this: trust. And at the same time further questions: How do I trust? Can trust be learned? And what effect does it have on dealing with the clients or the representatives in the constellation if I can trust their intuition?

To trust one's own intuition and to be able to deal with that of others in a benevolent but also demarcating way depends, in my opinion, heavily on the clarity I have in relation to my personal experiences with intuition and how my relationship to this part of me is. To trust the body knowledge, the reliable message giver closely connected with the intuition, the soul and the spirit, one needs to become conscious. This also includes the ability to extract what was helpful and strengthening in my development and what was not. Further questions for me are: Is intuition innate? Can it be changed through imprinting, the environment, upbringing, education? Does it develop even without external offers or in situations of childhood distress?

Recalling the trust-building situations in retrospect and putting them together results in a description of one's own intuitive career. A learning effect can also be recognized in the passages that are initially experienced and interpreted as difficult if the focus is appropriately directed. Collectively, the personal experiences act as resources and serve to strengthen the entire personality. The chance is high that intuition will become a natural part that is convincing and can be trusted. Not only, it also leads to a differentiated view of the areas bordering on intuition, which are called intuition, but are actually projection, encroachment, fantasized clairvoyance, illusion and other things.
When it comes to accompanying constellations, there is also the fact that intuitive perceptions not only have to be valued, but also have to be verbalized again and again. On the one hand, being precise in the choice of words and questioning how something is meant and, on the other hand, leaving descriptions as they are is an art and a challenge for the line manager. Above all, however, it should also be remembered that the words are often missing to describe, for example, a vibration, resonance, energy and, if necessary, to provide assistance to the client.
The constellation leader encounters different types of representatives in the group: some who carry intuition as a natural part of perception, processing and spontaneous decision-making and action and who can also describe them as internal processes, others who process who prefer to perceive differently and decide, namely sensory, sensual (with all senses), discursively reflective, slowing down and taking your time. However, it is also to be expected with those who unconsciously have this ability without naming it, or also those who have lost the natural access to this ability due to unpleasant experiences or trauma. And last but not least, there are those who, for whatever reasons, see intuition as an oversized great talent and want to have their place in the group process overemphasized.
The task of the constellation leader is to be able to meet everyone calmly, calmly, benevolently and in a space-giving way and ultimately to have the greatest possible benefit for the group process.

Everyone has their own history of developing their intuition. This is not a text that can take into account all aspects, but shows examples that are advisable in retrospect. The following questions can be helpful: “How did I get to know and learn intuition? What experiences have I made personally? What have I seen with others? Which “perception, processing and decision-making type” have I become? How do I act and react to stress that immediately brings my lightest and darkest side to light or drives me to extremes? How well can I relax so that I can also let other people's approach be as it is? "

It seems to me to make sense to focus on four main points when looking back:

Intuition and growth

Intuition grows whether we want it or not and whether we notice it or not. Several areas of the brain are involved in its development and it is interesting to know that this part was used in early times in human history to recognize dangers and to find food, remedies and water. Everyone is born with intuition, so it is also important that the attitude or attitude towards intuition grows and develops.
The child comes into contact with it for the first time in the womb when the mother responds to the conception and pregnancy with "welcome" or has her concerns. Regardless of her first reaction, she intuitively begins to do what is right and right for her or not. Of course, the father is also involved, but because of the direct physical relationship between mother and child, experience with maternal intuition is paramount. The experiences during and immediately after the birth play just as important a role as everything in the first year of life, in which the mother (in any case with her first child) decides intuitively on many points and acts without reflecting or referring to personal experiences as a mother Respectively. The baby learns how the mother decides in all situations, how communication is possible without language and how the mother deals with herself and her intuitive part: convinced of herself that she is doing what is right for her or insecure and self-doubting and vulnerable to them a hundred pieces of advice from others. It is possible that she is also caught in an obsession with perfection.
The experiences and images stored in the body, which have sunk into the unconscious and are later activated, control our behavior, especially from this time. In this way, body knowledge can be our most reliable source of news, but it can also become the greatest stray if these first child experiences cannot be differentiated or filtered.

Intuition and development

The toddler age is the time in which intuition can develop further, depending on how the environment deals with it: of course, open, curiously interested, admiringly amazed, commenting neutrally with "Aha", evaluating or restrictive, "What nonsense" or “Do it like this now”.
What has a positive effect on the development of intuition is having time, a lack of distraction, an empty space, silence and boredom. Allowing boredom and looking at it enables an idea to fall out of nowhere, an inner voice or a feeling to emerge and unusual chains of associations, fantasies, creative game sequences and role-playing games to emerge from this. The empty space is not only used for intuition, but also for creativity, when objects from the household or the games box lose their original function and are converted into another. Such game sequences are noticeably easy and often accompanied by smiles and laughter.
Another intuitive offering are stories or fairy tales that are told or read out by parents and grandparents.
Developing intuition needs width, space, time and silence or an input that stimulates imagination and creativity at the same time. This of course also includes making or listening to music, singing, dancing, painting and doing handicrafts, if they are offered without pressure to perform. Whether caregivers can and want to get involved on this level is a question of personal, everyday, milieu-related and social conditions. Whether there can be free play in an evaluation-free space, whether there is room for "chance", for curiosities, illogicals and humor, is among other things also a question of the style of upbringing and the attitude towards upbringing goals and methods.

Intuition and upbringing

The development is often limited by the upbringing, by consciously set educational goals, but also unconscious preferences of the caregivers (parents, grandparents, educators, teachers). Either this is a concern for them or not. If performance, control and discipline are in the foreground, this is usually at the expense of the intuitive and creative side, which is more encouraged in an atmosphere in which pleasure and displeasure have their place. However, if the promotion of exceptional talent becomes an ambitious project, the pressure to perform is not far. In summary, the question is whether a child was supported, encouraged, encouraged, recognized, praised or ridiculed, devalued or even punished on this point.

Intuition and Education in Crisis: Defiant Age and Puberty

The times of crisis are also decisive for the development of intuition, such as the defiant phase in which the children try out or explore their limits and those of others. They can intuitively catch their caregivers at their weak points as if they were able to see the core of their being. The reaction to this is not infrequently anger and either leads to increased severity and activity, but sometimes also a feeling of powerlessness, a pause and a resulting creative offer of solutions in the educator. So what experiences did the child himself and the adults experience during the defiant phase?
Puberty is the second crisis that can affect both sides beyond measure. The young people in their entire hormonal restructuring and not knowing where to go, intuitively confront their parents with challenges that have to do with setting limits. At the same time, parents usually don't want to lose touch. A sure instinct and intuition are helpful advice for accepting coherent reactions, for which responsibility can be taken before the situation escalates.
Intuitive decisions are made in a matter of seconds, inevitably controlled by an inner impulse and just as quickly expressed. Only in retrospect does it sometimes turn out that it was courageous to react in such a dangerous or even non-pedagogical way. These spontaneous reactions are satisfactory when they are accompanied by empathy and empathy. Then the necessary line can be drawn, the coherent word can be spoken in a suitable pitch and with a suitable facial expression. In many cases it is the case that afterwards the togetherness is more respectful.
In upbringing, positive reinforcement and role models are beneficial for intuitive development. But even if caregivers were particularly strict or not available at all, intuition continues to develop. Because in difficult situations, for example if parents often quarrel or are not present internally or if one parent is missing, the child begins to intuitively sound out the atmosphere in order to orientate themselves in the situation, to contribute in some way or to withdraw.
In the latter case in particular, the child initially has no direct feedback, but it does experience effects and, with increasing age, can also classify them. The advantage is that his perceptions are not assessed with right or wrong, but it confirms itself or not.
In addition to the age-related crises, there are also the breaks in development brought about by special events: strokes of fate, illnesses, deaths, catastrophes. In such situations, an intuitive approach is often the result, but of course there is also the other side, that control, adaptation and survival strategies prove to be more practicable.

Intuition and education

The last point of the retrospective relates to education, in general and professional. Education arises through intellectual debate and through knowledge from the sciences. When it comes to intuition, you will find what you are looking for in philosophy, psychology, brain research and cognitive research.
The natural sciences are also an interesting source, because it is not uncommon for the decisive point for an essential finding or an invention to be an intuitive moment or a coincidence, despite all the detailed preparatory work.
And just as interesting is the study of history, especially that of biographies, because there are so many examples of life-changing and history-relevant decisions to be discovered based on intuition.

Professional education is limited when it comes to promoting intuition. Even our school system is more focused on developing intellectual skills that are assessed. The first two years of school are quickly forgotten, in which no grades are awarded and instead the development of personality is described in the certificate.
It's not much different with vocational training. The thought is more, either one is intuitive or not and after all there are professions in which intuition has its place, such as musicians, artists, actors and others.
Otherwise, you can alternatively take care of it individually in courses and workshops. And so spaces for awareness and silence are offered, which actually catch up on something that was neglected in childhood and upbringing: being able to get involved in time, offering space and silence, not knowing, not acting, not wanting to change To recognize perception of non-material levels, to give confidence in previously unconscious abilities.
Two further points in dealing with intuition are important to me: language and the formation of the heart. Language is about being mindful of the power of words, which can do everything: hurt and heal. It is not expressly taught to find the right words for internal processes that cannot be described. And sometimes it is a struggle for words and nuances and it is not uncommon for new words that turn out to be coherent. Everyone takes care of that themselves, provided that it is important to them to be able to say or tell the right word, the right sentence, the right anecdote or story at the right time in the company of others.
The development of the heart, the ability to empathize, empathize and deal with feelings grows over the years.All of this seems closely connected with maturation and a benevolent humanity and appreciative attitude that lead to the expanse. This level is nourished by the many personal experiences in which one is warm around the heart, in which one is touched or touched. Here, too, the memories initially lead to the family with the parents, the siblings. Often the grandparents are the heartwarming compensation for parents, who of course also love their children, but, stressed by everyday obligations, do not have the time for serenity to meet all their own wishes and demands and those of the children. Friends are of course also important, because they are often the ones with whom there is more togetherness, harmony, understanding and resonance than with the family or other educators. “Storytellers” from literature, fairy tales, novels, biographies and films touch the heart and warm the soul.
Last but not least, it is the helper situations in which it is felt that support not only warms the heart of the person being helped, but also one's own. Establishing this can be done privately or professionally. The reaction of the child who answers with shining eyes, the neighbor who is happy about a little present and smiles, or the old lady who thanks because the door was held open for her are similar to the reactions of clients when she is benevolently observed and valued and feel relief.

As a constellator, the field of intuitive experiences is large. And here again applies to me the original word explanation that you can find in the lexicon for intuition. There it says, intuition - coming from Latin - means: direct looking and comprehending a situation, a fact, a complex process holistically. This corresponds to the description of phenomenological perception. Each constellation can address and train the intuitive side, both its own and that of the clients and their deputies. In the midst of the constellation, the constellation manager observes and feels a tension between fast and slow perceptions, processing and actions. In my opinion, one of his main tasks is to be able to withstand this tension and to be able to conduct it.
The state of the empty center, in which intuition can unfold and have its place, to reach and to keep it in the group, requires a high level of concentration, a willingness to get involved and an attitude of not knowing, not commenting and inaction and giving space. The hypothesis formation that provides the framework is set against a space that enables one to re-engage with every constellation. The impulses that come from previous experiences, to perceive the assumptions and still leave them out, is a skill that can be trained.

Even if a lot of practice helps to develop trust more and more, it seems to me to make sense to maintain the intuitive level outside of professional activity. Nature offers a good opportunity to remember the power of intuition, to experience it again and again during walks and an unintentional observation of processes, colors and shapes, noises and tones. Taking in the peculiarity of the early morning hours, the evening twilight and the night hours are just as much a possibility as meditation or yoga and all the many forms of body-oriented deceleration. The musical activities allow you to experience intuition as a natural part and the associated trust is there, regardless of whether it is named that way or not.

Personally, this review and the listed selection of aspects helped me in the end to take stock of what has become of me and in this case my intuitive side and why and in what way I can trust my intuition. Not only, but also when it is good to include other decision criteria. A deepening experience was then a list of all inner parts with figures that make up my personality. In this way, not only the equality with the other shares became visible and recognizable. The silent figures stood still and waited until I recognized all of them as equal, and could feel enriching and trusting.

My last thought stems from this experience: It is common today to present yourself with all the training, further education and training and titles you have acquired in your CV. They are a good guide for clients to help them decide who to turn to in their distress.
So far, far too little has been written about the development of personality, which is related to which experiences have been made or which important topics have been worked through in a self-reflection. In addition to intuition, these include spirituality and also the darkest side in everyone, such as the taboo topics of death, sexuality, fear and being a victim-perpetrator.
Ultimately, these can be the criteria on which the client intuitively relies if he not only wants to take his distress, but also his soul to a therapist or counselor and feel that he is in good hands.